Murphy's Law
    If anything can go wrong, it will.

Murphy's Law Extended
    If a series of events goes wrong, it will do so in the worst possible sequence.

Evans' and Bjorns' Law
    No matter what goes wrong, there is always someone who knew it would.

Trotter's Law of Percussion Music
    Percussionists will consistently lose music as a concert approaches.

    Corollary:
        All parts will be lost at least once, and percussionists will not admit losing any music until they are caught faking the parts.

The Uncertainty Principal
    The location of all auxiliary percussion instruments cannot be known simultaneously.

    Corollary:
        If a lost percussion item is found, another will disappear.

Percussion Will Travel Principle
    On every band trip one important piece of percussion equipment will be left at the school.

Percussion Won't Travel Principle
    On every band trip one important piece of equipment will be left at the performance site.

Diminishing Quality rule to the Percussion Won't Travel  Principle
    At any festival one piece of percussion equipment will be switched with that of another school.

    Corollary:
        The one you take back will be of lower quality.

Law of Lost Drumsticks
    Percussionists will lose sticks.

    Corollaries:

        1.Percussionists always claim the sticks were stolen.
        2.The lost sticks will be found the day after new ones are purchased.

Stidman's Law of Doors
    The largest timpani is always four inches wider than the door to the auditorium.

Murphy's Law on Instruments
    An instrument always breaks at the worst possible time.

    Corollary:
        The instrument will belong to a first chair player.

Baldwin's Law
    Instruments are easier to break than to fix.

Wyszkowski's Law
    Anything will work if you fiddle with it long enough.

Principals of Instrument Repair
    1.The screwdriver of the correct size head will be missing when it is needed  to tighten a woodwind key.
    2.When replacing a woodwind pad, all available pads will be the wrong size.
    3.When a pad is accidentally dropped it will roll to the least accessible part  of the room.

Law of Diminishing Repairs
    After restoring one key on a woodwind instrument, three others will malfunction.

Mouthpiece Inertia Principle
    Brass mouthpieces are easier to jam than to dislodge.

Halbrook's Axiom
    A stuck key will work perfectly when the repairman tries it.

Law of Selective Operation
    Brass valves will stick on performance days.

    Corollaries:
        1.They will not stick when the director tries them.
        2.They will stick again when the student resumes playing.

Richard's Complimentary Rule of Ownership
    1.If you keep anything long enough you can throw it away.
    2.If you  throw anything away, you will need it the next day.

Communication Principle
    When a director gives students letters for parents,
    15% will be  left on music stands,
    25% will be inside the music,
    15% will rot in  instrument cases,
    15% will be left in lockers,
    15% will crawl under the  student's bed,
    and 15% of the parents will actually receive the  letter (although only 7% will actually read it...)

Tillis' Organizational Principle
    If you file it, you'll know where it is - but never need it.
    If you don't file it, you'll need it - but never know where it is.

Edward's Law of Time & Effort
    Given a large initial time to do something, the initial effort  will be small.
    As time remaining approaches zero, the effort approaches  infinity.

    Corollary:
        If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would ever get done.

Rollin's Rule of Organization
    The more you plan, the greater is the confusion when things go wrong.

Copier Breakdown Principle
    Copiers will break down when there is only one more copy to make.

Left-Right Principle
    At least one person is out of step in any one drill movement.

Reely's Principle
    Any piece you select as a closer will have a final note one step  higher than the first trumpet can play.

The Weather Report Rule
    On game and contest days, bad weather reports are more often  correct than good ones.

Law of Perverse Weather
    If the weather looks like it's going to downpour and you decide  not to march at half-time because a downpour is inevitable, the weather will  clear.
    If you decide to march, the rain will begin with the downbeat.

Global-Warming Principle
    Temperatures the day before a Christmas parade will be in the 60's  and dry.
    The day of the parade will be 5 degrees with snow.

New Stadium Maxim
    Upon entering a stadium for the first time, bands that enter on  the east side have seats on the west side.

Rural Visiting Band Axiom
    The stands for the visiting band will be decrepit and almost  impossible to use.

    Corollary:
        The stadium lights will be in front of the stands so no one can  see the music after it gets dark.

Win-Loss Appreciation Equation
    The poorer the record of a football team, the greater the appreciation for the band.

Uniform Shortage Postulate
    There will always be at least one band student who cannot find a uniform that fits.

Forgotten Uniform Parts Law
    Part of at least one uniform will be left behind on every away game.

Hole in the Show Law
    After summer practices you will always be at least one person  hort of what you charted the show for.

Blind Lead the Blind Principle
    Band students playing correctly will always follow the students who are playing something incorrectly.

Murphy's Law of Small Band Sight-Reading
    Invariably, the melody will be in an instrument you do not have.

    Corollaries:
        1. Cues will not be provided.
        2. If they are provided, they will be on the music of your weakest section.

Murphy's Music Stand Principle
    The music stand you get will wobble.

Reely's Adaptation of Rap's Law of Inanimate Reproduction
    If you take a music stand apart and put it together enough times, eventually you will have two of them.

Anything You Can Do Law
    When something is done well, three trumpet players think they could have done it better.

Two Principles of Diminishing Concentration
    Office aides always interrupt rehearsal when concentration levels peak.
    Students late for class are always those who sit in the center of the ensemble.

Post-Concert Maxim
    At least one instrument out of five will stay at home the day after a performance.

Missing Mute Principle
    At least one mute will vanish from the brass section at any rehearsal.

Atchison's Law of Difficult Music
    Students hate music with seemingly unconquerable difficulties.

Vent's Special Request Dilemma
    When preparing music requested at the last minute by the superintendent, there will be no score or first trumpet part.

Contest Pronunciation Principle
    If a composition or composer's name can be mispronounced as the  program is being introduced, it will.

New Instrument Aversion Law
    If a parent can find a cheaper, practically unplayable instrument  from their Aunt Flo, they will.

The "There's Another Hole in the Dam" Principle
    Fix one spot in the music and another spot falls apart.

Alternate Fingerings Axiom
    Any alternate fingerings taught will be promptly forgotten.

Two Laws of Beginning Trombone Playing
    One out of every four starting trombone players will be hearing-impaired.
    Beginning trombone players use their spry bottles more on other band members than on slides.

Beginning Players Concert Law
    There will be one video camera for every three beginning musicians

Media Favoritism Law
    There are always more pictures of the rival school's band in the newspaper than yours.

Stern's Observation on Student Musicians
    Most hear what they think they are playing rather than how it actually sounds.

The Solo and Ensemble Dilemma
    Find the perfect solo for a student, and the piano accompaniment is missing.

    Corollary:
        The piece is out of print.

Taylor's Principle of Instrument Purchases
    Buy a new instrument one week and you will find a better price  later.

Band Budget Theorem
    The budget is inversely proportional to the size of the music  program.

Spear's Law of Printing
    Some errors always go unnoticed until the music is in print.

O'Connor's Addendum to Spear's Law
    The first page the composer turns to after receiving an advance copy contains the worst error.

Murphy's Law of Applause
    If parents can clap at the wrong time, they will.

    Corollary:
        Half the audience will giggle as the band continues playing.

Two Principles of Cymbal Cueing
    Don't cue the cymbal player and he/she will not enter.
    Cue the cymbal  player and he/she still will not enter.

Law of Selective Acoustics
    The percussion section always sounds loudest where the judges are sitting.
    It cannot be heard from the podium.

Hatch's Law of Clarinet Squeaks
    Clarinet squeaks always occur in the most exposed sections of the  music.

Barton's Interpretation Principle
    If you select one of four logical interpretations of a concert  work, the three judges will like the others better.

The Play It Again Sam Axiom
    At concert festivals, three other bands will play your toughest  piece.

    Corollary:
        All three perform before you do, and play it better.

Surprise Symphony Principle
    At least one section of the music which sounded perfect in  rehearsal will go haywire.

Tuba Will Travel Principle
    Tuba players and other players of exotic instruments always move out of the district, not in.

New Student Law
    New students who have come from another city always play an instrument you have plenty of.

Paper-Cutter Principle
    If you can slice off part of the marching music, you will.

Bogan's Law
    Bus breakdowns always occur on the longest trips.

RT +1 Principle
    The scheduled return time of any trip will be one hour earlier than the actual return

RT +2 Principle
    You will have to wait another two hours for the last parent to pick up a child.

Fillmore's March Law
    If a march can be rushed, it will.

    Corollary:
        A march rushes in proportion to a band's inability to play it quickly.

The Punctuality Paradox
    Give a strongly-worded lecture about punctuality and you will be late to the next performance.

The Lowest Common Denominator Principle
    After a concert, parents rave about the pop selection played and say nothing about the quality pieces.

McMurray's Programme Principle
    At least one name will be left off the concert programme.

    Corollary:
        It will be the child of the principal.

Bidewell's Transition Principle
    You are never as good as the previous conductor.

Two Recruiting Ratio Principles
    For every student wanting to play clarinet, there will be six who want to play alto sax.
    For every student wanting to play alto sax, there will be seven who want to play snare drum.

The Salary Axiom
    Any pay raise is just large enough to increase your taxes and just small enough to have no effect on your take-home pay.